Following My Heart?

Do you ever feel like you are supposed to do more?  

Or that you weren't given a chance to show your true colors?  

That your time was cut too short?  

That's how I feel about my teaching career.  

It's all I want to do. 

 It's all I think about.  

It's what my heart is telling me to do, but am I ever going to have another chance?  

It breaks my heart more than anything that I can't get interviews or that no one will even consider talking to me because I have a non-renewed teaching contract.  I will never know why I was let go, and that is so incredibly hard for me, even 2 years later.  All I have ever wanted to do is teach children.  I love it!  But why am I not there?  I have so many questions.  I just want to be able to show what I am capable of and how much I truly want to teach.  I know it's hard, I know it's changed, I know it's not what it used to be, but I still want to do it.  My heart aches because I can't get a teaching job.  

I am a true believer that it is all in God's time, and I know I am in my current position because God has placed me there and I feel like I do a pretty good job.  But if I am never supposed to teach again, how do I stop my heart from aching?  How do I let go of the dream I have had since I was little?

It took me a while to get to where I was a teacher, but for the 6 years I wasn't teaching, I knew I was supposed to.  Driving by a school and feeling the pang of knowing you are supposed to be there, and then going back to school to follow my dream, only to have a small chance and to have that chance crushed, it's hard.  It's really hard.  There is no way to explain it, but it's like crossing the finish line, and then telling you, you didn't do it the right way, so you don't win.  

I just don't know what I am supposed to do if I don't teach.  I am working in a school, I am surrounded by teachers and admins, and the kids, and I love it.  I love what I do, but I want to teach.  I want to watch the children grow and learn and love school.  I want to be able to be creative and show kids that learning is fun and there are so many opportunities in learning.  Also, I want them to know they matter and that they can do anything they want, regardless of what people say or what test scores show.

I know I should be past this.  It's been two years.  I've been told to get over it and find something new.  But when you have had something in your heart for so long and you know what you are capable of, how do you find something new?  How do you let go?  How do you give up?

Do I let go, give up, find something new?  Will I still have this longing in my heart to teach?

I don't think it will ever go away.  I don't think I will ever stop wanting to teach.

I don't want anyone to think that I am ungrateful for the opportunities I have been given, because I am completely grateful and so incredibly thankful.

I just want to teach.

Bottom line.

 

Remembering My Childhood

Do you ever sit back and think about the good ole days?  Things you used to own?

 There are all of those lists on Buzzfeed and Zimbio, and they made me nostalgic.

Here are 20 things that will always remember from when I was growing up.  Just a little fun look back...

#1

I had a sweatshirt that had lip kisses all over it.  I swear I probably wore it everyday.

This is one similar, but I will always remember my original.

 #2

Jams.  I only had one pair, and I lost them sometime when they were popular, but I loved them.  

If I can remember correctly, I had an orange pair.

#3

Jelly Shoes.  I love my jelly shoes, even though they rubbed horrible blisters.

I had a clear pair.

 #4

The Limited Sweatshirts.  I never had one personally, but every person I knew owned one.  Especially at the skating rink.  That was all anyone wore!

#5

Tapered Jeans/Tight-Rolled Jeans.  Enough Said.

#6

Benneton Colors Perfume.  My sister had some and I know I would sneak a few squirts every now and then.  I can't remember what it smelled like, but I knew my sister had to have it.

#7

K-Swiss shoes.  I loved these when I was in the 7th and 8th grade!

#8

I would wear my K-Swiss with my Umbros.  

I'm almost positive these were the exact colors and style of the pair I had. 

#9

T-Shirt Clips

#10

Rompers.  I LOVED these!!  It was like wearing a dress with pants!!  I had a white one that had different color buttons down the front and it was sleeveless, so I could put a different color t-shirt underneath.  It looked like a clown outfit.

#11

Bodysuits.  I never owned one, but I didn't want to.  It was like wearing a leotard to school.

#12

Scrunch Socks.  2 socks on 1 foot, alternating colors on each foot.  Sweaty feet!

#13

Wicker Sandals.  I had a white pair.  Loved them!

#14

Eastlands.  Only problem was that I could never tie the laces up in the little rolls.

#15

Bucks.  Everyone had these.  

#16

Hello Kitty and Sanrio Surprises.  I can't tell you how many times we visited that store in Hickory Hollow Mall and how much stuff I had that had "Elizabeth" or "Lizzie" painted on.  I had sooooo much stuff.

#17

I LOVED Lisa Frank!  Folders, stationary - which I still have, pens, pencils, etc.  Such cute stuff!

#18

HyperColor T-shirts.  So cool!

#19

Reebok Hightops.  I had a white pair I think.

#20

I had sooooo much New Kids stuff.  It was crazy.